Queen of Chipper

Have you ever heard the phrase cockblocking? You know, you’re at a bar, talking to a girl, and what happens? Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything. Cockblock. Well I have to tell you something guys: I have been the less attractive friend, and you were NOT cockblocked. I was following orders from my better-looking friend that she did not wanna fuck you. …Girls have two signals for their friends: ‘I’m gonna fuck him’ and ‘HELP.’

Amy Schumer [x] (via rashaka)

The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.

(via madgastronomer)


(via ellakrystina)

I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.


(via eastberlin)

Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.

(via thebicker)

I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.

(via castielsmiles)

We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we don’t like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent ‘aggressive man-sheild.’ Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.

Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.

(via cractasticdispatches)

I’ve been asked to pretend to be my friend’s girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys won’t leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if we’re together romantically, and sometimes not even then.

(via zaataronpita)

i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldn’t back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.

(via miljathefailcat)

It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.

I can’t count the number of times I have pretended to be somebody’s girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.

(via feministsupernatural)

After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because I’m the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, I’m small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. I’m just too scared.

(via harperhug)

You’re probably scared of confronting the guys.  And you should be.  That’s what this whole post is about.  Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt.  That’s why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect.  How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isn’t allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture.  Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance.  Women are not allowed to say no.  So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse.  Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women. 

(via coffeegleek)

Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but it’s kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as “secret signals.” The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glace their way will be able to see that the woman isn’t interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.

(via smitethepatriarchy)

And its fucked because women actively know the signs while men have refused to learn any body language signal of “leave me alone” that women do.

Women are always the one who have to accommodate their behavior to suit mens egos.

(via sourcedumal)

triflin’ ass dudes, take note. and please PLEASE, men, become interference runners for your women friends

(via weakdaes)

My ex definitely had to be my shield a time or two before we were dating. My roommate and I were at our complex’s pool and a guy kept following me around while I was trying to relax in the pool and he wouldn’t leave me alone, even after I told him that “yes, I did have a man.” I ended up having to text my ex (who was due to come over at any minute) and just say, “Hey, I know we’re just friends, but you may have to pretend to be my boyfriend.” Thankfully, he agreed and made a huge show of arriving and giving me a hug; the guy didn’t bother me anymore. However, this is not the only time this has happened and my (female) roommate and I have even decided it would almost be easier to pretend that the two of us are dating so we don’t get harassed or followed back to our apartment. This shit is real.

(via oywiththepeetaalready)

My BFF is like a 12 out of 10 and I’m probably a 4 on a good day, so often when we go out, a guy will come to hit on ‘the fit one’ and make his friend ‘wingman and distract the other one’ (nope, that’s not low self esteem talking, that’s things I’ve overheard when they thought they were talking quietly). Anyway they always get so visibly annoyed when I refuse to play the game and go off with the friend leaving BFF alone with them, but what they don’t realise is that I will stay because SHE asks me to. Obviously I would anyway, but she’s just as uninterested in them as I am, and being alone with them would make her not just uninterested but frankly scared.

(via ladyknightley)

My BFF is a 10 dolled up - other BFF is a 15/10 (a real brickhouse knockout!) and I might be a 5 if I go the professional stylist route. I’m also the one comfortable looking gender-fluid - so when we go out, I’m the wingman and the shield. They get hit on, I’m there acting as their girlfriend (or in some cases, they see our rings on and presume we’re married and I’m the “husband”)

Funny, few bother them when I’m out with them. Maybe the other sods out there can’t figure me out - or why I make them uncomfortable. I have heard,”What does it have that I don’t?” once. I replied, “Intelligence, discernment, wisdom, and treating them like a person and not a commodity.” Then I tongue flick.

I love being a wingman.

(via diva-gonzo)
Via Diva.Gonzo


We sold our house

We bought a house

We’re hiring movers and arborists and roofers and contractors

We’re having yet another baby

We have to feed these tiny people we keep producing

All I want is to eat saag paneer and read poems and novels I’ve read 100s of times already

But there’s so much adulting left to do and it turns out, I am the adult on duty

Who planned this?

Reblog this if you like Harry Potter. No questions, just do. It’ll make sense later.

(Source: luciuspatronus)

Via If you really want something, you will find a way.
077. What?


Hermione has read every prenatal book she can get her hands on, muggle and magical, and she’s confident that she’s as prepared as she can possibly be for this pregnancy.

What she’s not prepared for is other people.

“My goodness, you’re so big already!” a coworker…

So very right on.

Via Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.



Ronmione ❤❤❤


You can’t just take fanart that a bunch of other people did from the internet and repost it uncreditted! Not only it’s rude, it’s art theft.

From top to bottom:

Too many ankles by reallycorking

At Shell Cottage: Nessum Dorma by lillywmw

Hermione and Ron by Perey

Safe with me by mudblood428

Ron Hermione: Hands by anokaba

The excuse of not knowing the artists is getting old; if you don’t know, you can’t ask anyone about it or you don’t care to look it up like I did, the solution is simple: don’t repost it.

Also: never rub a pregnant lady’s feet. Strange but true, it can trigger early labor.

Via See you walk away into the night

This Is What An Athlete Looks Like

I get jostled to the back of the pack because other runners assume I’m a walker. I’m not fast, but I run. (Not this year. I’m a lazy, waddle-y pregnant this year.)

  • Mom: ' well you need to call them and ask.'
  • Me: I dont think you understand how much i cannot do that.<p>Replace mom with "other adults" because I totally am an adult and need to do adult things like have tree branches trimmed and wiring repaired but those industries haven't caught up to pizza service in the online ordering capacity.</p>
Via This Blog Does Not Contain Bananas










some of the most sensitive areas of the female body

look at all the regions that are not titties and vagina guys

porn has lied to you. there are other places you can touch that sensitive and pleasurable. 

Oh yeah because I’m just gonna rub her eyes until a she’s horny

Kiss her there you walnut! Use tenderness! Hold her face gently and stroke her eyelids with your thumb and then kiss them! Run your hands down to her neck when you do! THINK!!! Lordie, you have a lot to learn that TOUCH gives more than making her “horny” you’ll drive her nuts doing gentle stuff! It’s trust! It’s care! It’s sensitivity! *smacks your forehead* You want her to be numb in complete ecstasy! I know this shit and I’m ASEXUAL! 

Reblogging purely for the beautiful use of the word “walnut” as an insult.

i would just like to mention that a few of those spots have made me incapable of movement because of how intense the pleasure was. i melted and kinda just collapsed. do not ignore these erogenous zones and your lady will thank you for it

All of these are correct, but this disregards a woman’s largest erogenous zone: her mind.

As far as I’m concerned those boobies can be switched off in favour of amping up the neck

Old married wisdom here for the fruits and nuts in the audience: Her body might be a wonderland, but if you can get inside her mind….. anything you touch will be bliss.

Now… I’m a sucker for a backrub - or a footrub.

Thing is, each person is different. Someone will be a quivering puddle from a gently cupped elbow. Someone else whimpers at the mere thought of a slow stroke up the calf. You touch my inner thighs, I will deck you. That’s no fun.

(Source: biencorrect)

For women, heart attacks look different.




Follow me down the rabbit hole for a second:

I’ve long wondered if this - that women don’t recognize the symptoms of a heart attack in themselves, and consequently don’t get the fast care that is vital for heart attack survival - is the reason heart disease is the #1 killer in women. Women statistically take better care of themselves health-wise, than men do. Women see doctors more frequently and are more likely to follow those doctors’ recommendations closely. Why would both men and women have the same most common cause of death?

Heart attack symptoms in men are well known. We all know what it means when a guy on TV clutches his chest or left arm and falls over. This scene is often followed by a rush to the emergency room in an ambulance, and a shirtless guy being shocked back to sinus rhythm with the electric paddles. “CLEAR!” Right? Everyone knows that’s what a heart attack looks like. Because of TV.

Except you can’t show a topless woman on TV - and you can’t defibrillate a woman in a bra. So victims of heart attacks on TV are *always* male. Did you know that a woman having a heart attack is more likely to have back or jaw pain than chest or left arm pain? I didn’t - because I’ve never seen a woman having a heart attack. I’ve been trained in CPR and Advanced First Aid by the Red Cross over 15 times in my life, the videos and booklets always have a guy and say the same thing about clutching his chest and/or bicep.

And people laugh when I tell them women are still invisible in this world.

Things I did not know, but should.

“The study found that 42% of women who have heart attacks never experience the “classic heart attack symptom” of tightness or pain in the chest. Instead, they may develop pain in the back or jaw, light-headedness, nausea, vomiting and shortness of breath.”

I remember reading about this earlier, this is important to know.

Also watch for sudden and inexplicable nausea, severe dizziness and disorientation, and sweating. Women don’t have dramatic heart attacks - they have symptoms that look like flu, so they just wait for the symptoms to pass.

On a somewhat funny note, I mentioned in a CPR class that women usually don’t have the classic Redd Foxx heart attacks… and got crickets. I am officially old enough to be out of touch.

Via This Blog Does Not Contain Bananas



And another tame one.

As an old married lady, this speaks to me on an emotional level. This is….. *grabbing bottle of chilled water*

Yeah. Very adorable. Lovely. I’m liking this quite a bit.

Oh my… this indeed resonates with this old married lady, too. This is unhurried, worshipful, sensuous.
::contemplates early bedtime for wee ones::

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union